How to practice self-kindness in one simple step

Do you know how difficult it can be to practice self-kindness?

Oh, so difficult. We are usually our worst critics. Hardly anything anyone else could ever say about us could cut as deeply as the words we often sling at ourselves. And yet…sometimes words we hear, often repeatedly so, by others can cut us down to our core. It can completely warp your self-worth, self-confidence, self-image, and self-love. Dang…that’s a lot of “self” words.

self-kindness, self-worth, self-love

But it’s true! It is all so very true. Talk to anyone who has ever received hateful comments or snide remarks. Degrading words, apathy and passive aggressive language falls into that same category. Especially if you deal with it on an ongoing basis and from someone you thought was a friend, a loved one. Over time your mind can develop something called cognitive dissonance. You can believe in yourself all you want but when you are repeatedly told otherwise, you eventually start to believe those things as well. And getting out of that habit, that viscous cycle, can be incredibly difficult not to mention painful.

Here I am, quoting Brene Brown again. But she really gets it. She said in her book Dare to Lead that “self-kindness is self-empathy”. I had never actually heard it put quite like that before. It was like a light bulb moment for me: of course it is! Because being kind to yourself includes having empathy for yourself. So, how come we constantly forget this part?

“Self-kindness is self-empathy.”

Some tips I’ve implemented into my life to help me have more self-empathy, more self-kindness: taking self-portraits. (See, another “self” word!) I know, you’re probably thinking: here she goes again with those selfies. But hear me out. Being able to take a self portrait, and really inspect the image, familiarize yourself with your face, your hair, your body, the affects life and weather have had on you. It’s awakening, frightening, and empowering all at the same time. I notice more wrinkles where there used to be none. Definitely more grey hair than I had in my 20s. I also notice the extra dimple, the extra roll and wow…more freckles. Let’s make sure I really note those and keep an eye on those darker ones. I notice my smile. I notice my tired or sometimes sad eyes. But I also notice a joy from within. Not the one you can fake by putting on a smile. No, a deep sense of joy with who I am as a person, a woman, a mother, a friend.

Are you empathetic with yourself?

And yes, all that through taking portraits of myself. I basically allow myself that boost of self-kindness, self-love, and self-confidence every time I take them. It’s what I do for my clients when they come to me and book a portrait session for themselves. And here I am, quite literally practicing what I preach and teach, regularly.

I encourage you to take a selfie today. Makeup free in your gym clothes, PJs, or full-face dressed to the nines, just to get out of the aforementioned clothing choices (which you might have been wearing for a bit too long during this global pandemic and quarantine life). Or better yet, get out of your comfort zone and book a portrait session with a local photographer. Not for your family. Not for your partner. No, simply for yourself. To reconnect with yourself and get those images so that you can practice self-empathy, self-compassion, self-love.

I personally would love to work with you but I also have a large pool of photographer friends I can recommend to. Photographer friends here in the US, Canada and across the pond in Europe who would to an exceptional job capturing YOU!

P.S.: Thank you Maren, for reminding me to practice more self-kindness and self-empathy!